With Christmas just around the corner I find myself captured in moments of memories of this time as a child growing up in Denmark.....
- it gets dark before 4 pm there, and to disperse of the gloom, candles are lit in windows, and on the beautiful table center pieces that are most often home made with a clump of clay decorated with pine needle branches, pine cones and main feature is a calendar candle - tall enough to be marked with the numbers 1-24 . It is lit every morning during breakfast and allowed to burn just long enough to erase the number that matches the day.
The fragrance of julegløgg and æbleskiver (picture a fluffy pancake ball and you've got it) fill the house.
The special cookies that are baked, and with good intentions stored in tins for Christmas eve and the following days....... we never ran out, but a second batch was always made to make up for all the 'tastings' that took place before Christmas.
The funny thing about keeping potatoes warm in the bedroom under the down comforter - and the year they were forgotten until my parents went to bed......
Then, on Christmas eve (when Christmas is celebrated in Denmark), we always sang Christmas songs after dinner and before opening gifts. When the grand parents were there, we were enough to make a circle around the tree, walking around it as we sang.
I could fill a book with Christmas memories.
But one Christmas stands out among them all - my first Christmas!
Not the one as a one year old -
I was 22, but that summer I had come to believe in Jesus. That he was the son of God, sent to reconcile us to God through his death and resurrection. A new life started for me that summer.
Then came my first Christmas as a new believer and I truly believe
that what I felt and thought that year is what Christmas is about!
You see, when we sat down after dinner and started singing Christmas songs........
I had gotten to know Jesus whom we were singing about
- believed in Jesus, whom we were singing about.
It resonated deep within me, it was real - it was truth.
The words woven together to tell the story of Jesus the savior being born, then set to beautiful music, were for the first time in my life meaningful, and I just wanted to keep singing.
I remember looking around at each family member and my heart being filled with a love for them, new and fresh.
Christmas, right there!!
Nothing else was important - the food had been good, the presents yet to be opened, surely would be nice - but those things were not IT......
I realized they were add-ons.
Sitting and proclaiming through songs,with a believing heart, the birth of God's son - that was the center piece and the focus of Christmas.
What a night, what a glorious and joy-filled night that was for me. I was changed.
Christmas was about Jesus!
Have I stayed changed? Yes and no. I still believe, love Jesus and walk in his truth. But if I'm honest I have to admit it is hard to not get caught up in the 'add-ons'.
When our daughter was born, my mom crocheted an advent calendar for her; a jolly santa in the middle with the numbers 1-24 scattered randomly around him, each with a little ring under it where a present could be attached to the great joy and surprise for her every morning starting Dec. 1st.
Is that what Christmas is about - no.
Did we have loads of fun watching her enjoy the little gifts/treats - yes.
You must see/hear these when you are out and about:
A poster for a concert invitation says; "Come re-capture the Spirit of Christmas".
A video has this title; "This will remind you what Christmas is about."
A phrase says; "Put Christ back in Christmas."
How often have you been asked; "Are you ready for Christmas?" which is really asking whether you have bought all the gifts, wrapped them, is the tree up, the food in the house etc.
Post-Christmas statements like; "This was the best Christmas because..." followed by a list of gift items they received.
Part of the 'Christmas story' is, that there was no room for Jesus in Bethlehem - I say not much has changed in all the years since then! So many places/homes/hearts have neither time nor room for Jesus at any given day, Christmas being no different.
But what about us? who believe in him, know him, follow him, love him........
How do we guard ourselves
from adding so many add-ons to Christmas
that there is no room for Jesus?
My heart longs to make Jesus and his self-sacrifice, that began when he left heaven, the center piece.
I wish you all a Christmas filled anew with the wonder of God and his gift to us; Jesus!
"... who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God something to be held on to, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross." Phil. 2:6-8
-b
Sunday, December 22, 2013
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
Joy in the morning
Slowly dawn arrives with its golden light
in a path from the east, ending the night
darkness cannot remain, it must give way - recede
to the amazing beauty against which, all artists compete
I hear the call, sense His smile and feel the draw
to stop, take the time to see -and be in awe
from the quiet rings out the song of a bird
my heart joins in, knowing we both are heard.
I'm alive in the middle of this wonder
a mere shadow of what lays yonder
when I stop, when I look,- I hear God say to me;
"Come taste and see..."
Psalm 34:8 "Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good!"
-b
Thursday, November 21, 2013
Celebration for ...........
This is something every photo album features! A different child, a different getup - same end result;
a comical look that brought laughter and created a memory.
We have many un-captured memories of Kayla, our daughter, surprising us with some out-fit gathered from any closet but her own, making her look goofy and cute at the same time, and without fail made us stop what we were so busy doing, because we just had to laugh.
(Thank you for all those countless moments.)
But it never happened on Halloween because we never liked or supported that celebration.
We struggled with the thought of us,- God's children, his light in this world-, dressing ourselves and our child up in cute little costumes and line up in the celebration of Halloween.
It didn't match up for us.
When I get an invitation to a celebration, I always pay attention to;
#1 who it is from & #2 what it is for.
Maybe it's because I didn't grow up with this celebration, -coming in from the outside sometimes makes you look and think from a different angle -
and I don't see it as being really just about cute costumes and getting free candy,
- but rather a tradition based on rituals from the dark side, witch craft practices and prayers for the dead, hiding in costumes from dead people seeking revenge, and more of is mentioned on any search page on that topic.
So based on that, this has always stood out to me as having nothing what so ever to do with God and light - at the root of it.
We are called out by the one true God - the Holy one. He has called me out, desired me to be his child !!
What he did to make this possible is still unfolding in my heart.......
What he asks of me in return is to be holy, - to set myself aside for something special!
He wants me to be:
salt - light - his ambassador - not of this world -
Does that make me different??
How different am I willing to be?
Where do I draw the line between following God's desire for me to stand up (or down), say no thank you,- and tagging along with what 'every body else' is doing?
Halloween has had a Hallmark make-over for sure -
so what - doesn't change what it is at 'heart'.
I know, I know, I'm a party pooper - and maybe it's not bad to tag along and have fun, say hi to neighbors, run with friends, laugh at each other........ it doesn't make you worship evil, practice witch craft or believe in dead people having power to seek revenge on you and so on and so forth...
You are right, it doesn't!
and yet......... why do we even want to support this,- in any shape or form -
with it's origins and roots dug deep in darkness?
There are certain stores I don't shop - don't enter - simply based on what they sell and/or represent.
Eph. 5:8 ".. for at one at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of the light (for the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true) and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord."
I've been thinking about the Israelites, in regards to this post, and the big party that was thrown at some point.
It happened when Moses went up to meet with God and was gone too long in the opinion of the people and the whole story of the golden calf unfolds. (Exodus 32)
I've wondered how many people there were at that time.
In Joshua 4:13 we are informed that 40.000 -ready for war - passed over the Jordan river in the Exodus from Egypt.
If there were more or less by the time Aaron announces the feast, I don't know.
But a picture forms in my mind of an incredible mass of people.
- how many, of all those people, could actually see what was going on at the center?
They might not have bowed down before the golden calf -
yet joined in, celebrating something they couldn't see,
participated, even if it were on the fringes....
-b
a comical look that brought laughter and created a memory.
We have many un-captured memories of Kayla, our daughter, surprising us with some out-fit gathered from any closet but her own, making her look goofy and cute at the same time, and without fail made us stop what we were so busy doing, because we just had to laugh.
(Thank you for all those countless moments.)
But it never happened on Halloween because we never liked or supported that celebration.
We struggled with the thought of us,- God's children, his light in this world-, dressing ourselves and our child up in cute little costumes and line up in the celebration of Halloween.
It didn't match up for us.
When I get an invitation to a celebration, I always pay attention to;
#1 who it is from & #2 what it is for.
Maybe it's because I didn't grow up with this celebration, -coming in from the outside sometimes makes you look and think from a different angle -
and I don't see it as being really just about cute costumes and getting free candy,
- but rather a tradition based on rituals from the dark side, witch craft practices and prayers for the dead, hiding in costumes from dead people seeking revenge, and more of is mentioned on any search page on that topic.
So based on that, this has always stood out to me as having nothing what so ever to do with God and light - at the root of it.
We are called out by the one true God - the Holy one. He has called me out, desired me to be his child !!
What he did to make this possible is still unfolding in my heart.......
What he asks of me in return is to be holy, - to set myself aside for something special!
He wants me to be:
salt - light - his ambassador - not of this world -
Does that make me different??
How different am I willing to be?
Where do I draw the line between following God's desire for me to stand up (or down), say no thank you,- and tagging along with what 'every body else' is doing?
Halloween has had a Hallmark make-over for sure -
so what - doesn't change what it is at 'heart'.
I know, I know, I'm a party pooper - and maybe it's not bad to tag along and have fun, say hi to neighbors, run with friends, laugh at each other........ it doesn't make you worship evil, practice witch craft or believe in dead people having power to seek revenge on you and so on and so forth...
You are right, it doesn't!
and yet......... why do we even want to support this,- in any shape or form -
with it's origins and roots dug deep in darkness?
There are certain stores I don't shop - don't enter - simply based on what they sell and/or represent.
Eph. 5:8 ".. for at one at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of the light (for the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true) and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord."
I've been thinking about the Israelites, in regards to this post, and the big party that was thrown at some point.
It happened when Moses went up to meet with God and was gone too long in the opinion of the people and the whole story of the golden calf unfolds. (Exodus 32)
I've wondered how many people there were at that time.
In Joshua 4:13 we are informed that 40.000 -ready for war - passed over the Jordan river in the Exodus from Egypt.
If there were more or less by the time Aaron announces the feast, I don't know.
But a picture forms in my mind of an incredible mass of people.
- how many, of all those people, could actually see what was going on at the center?
They might not have bowed down before the golden calf -
yet joined in, celebrating something they couldn't see,
participated, even if it were on the fringes....
-b
Friday, October 25, 2013
Wonderfilled
Amazed
Awestruck
Astounded
Stunned
Astonished
Wonder-filled.........
When is the last time any of these happened to you?
I love it when it happens to me! It's like an awakening almost - at the very least a breath of fresh air.
A sure place for this to happen for me is when I am in God's presence. When I worship Him and He inhabits my praise, I am often lost for words - overwhelmed by Him and his presence - sometimes this brings laughter, other times tears.....
- it always leaves me awed and wonder-filled.
But I am finding the same reactions when I have (take) time to see the beauty he put me in the middle of...
when I see these things, a smile fills my face and thankfulness my heart.
And there are times I think about the song : "I can only imagine" by Mercy Me - and when that day comes when I get to see my creator face to face and when all I see around me now will be renewed ..........
When what I sense and experience here in His presence -
when what I see around me here -
when all that leaves me amazed, humbled and filled with wonder, -
then knowing that what is to come is better, surpassing in every way....
I have to be honest and say that I can't imagine what it will be like, since what I imagine is based on what I have experienced or seen here.
All I can do is keeping my heart and eyes open to the wonders He displays before me and continue to be childlike in my awe and wonder of my God and his works.
"When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that you care for him?....
O Lord, our Lord how majestic is your name in all the earth!"
Psalm 8:3,4 &9
-b
Saturday, August 10, 2013
Free indeed?
I was given freedom!
Jesus: "If the son sets you free, you will be free indeed!" (John 8:37)
What an amazing gift - what to do with it......
do I:
use it - explore it - enjoy it - live in it?
Can freedom grow in me - if so, how?
Is it a force that takes over, or am I the one holding the key(s)?
Is it something I take for granted - can it be taken/stolen from me -
wait...
do I need to guard it?
What was I set free from?
-b
Jesus: "If the son sets you free, you will be free indeed!" (John 8:37)
What an amazing gift - what to do with it......
do I:
use it - explore it - enjoy it - live in it?
Can freedom grow in me - if so, how?
Is it a force that takes over, or am I the one holding the key(s)?
Is it something I take for granted - can it be taken/stolen from me -
wait...
do I need to guard it?
What was I set free from?
-b
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
..... in the eye of the Beholder!
Dove posted a video - you might have seen it or heard about it by now - the essence of the video nails the truth about us - the women - when we look in the mirror we don't see what others see.
Our view is off kilter because we hone in on what we judge as 'faults' and negatives and allow them to overshadow and block out everything else that is reflecting back at us.
Have you ever wondered why we are so hard to please, when looking in the mirror? Why are we never fully satisfied with our reflection?
Why is the ....
nose either too big or too small, too wide or too sharp....
ears are either too small or too large, or stick out too far and in hiding behind the hair
waist either too wide or non-existing
chin either too dominant or without character ...
etc.!!!!!
When did that start in your life?
Who told you that you aren't beautiful?
God is my Maker - the one who created me - formed me while I was still unseen by the world - made me in his image - wonderfully made!
What is it in me that causes me to quarrel, complain and criticize what God made? I am the clay saying to the potter: "What are you making?" (Isaiah 45:9)
I believe we were created for beauty -
not to be used to get attention,
not to be used to seduce
not to be used to get our way
not to be used to make money
not to be used to gain position
our beauty is meant to reflect God's beauty -
a sunset 'wows' us, makes our heart sigh in wonder and longing to meet the Creator of this splendor!
- in the same way, when he made us - each one individually and different - it was with the intent that we would reflect who God is...... beautiful, amazing, incredibly intricate, powerful.......
But a sad result of our rebellion is that we, the creation, have become our own center of attention and worship.
And a sad result of that is:
beauty has been given a certain shape and look and no matter how far we are from obtaining that -
we still strive,
we still wish,
we are left critical and unsatisfied with our Maker!!
What if?
- what if I could embrace the basic truth that declares God as my Maker, and that I am fearfully and wonderfully made in his image.
what if I let Truth speak loud enough to drown out other voices that speak against it!
- and start listening to the rest of the words......
He knows the number of hairs on my head, he sees me when I'm laying down and also when I try to hide, he is the one who knit me together in my mother's womb, saw me when I was yet an unformed substance, knew my days before they had even begun, before I had seen the light of day -
Would it not?
- destroy the critical lens that covers my eyes every time I look in the mirror?
- shed me of the desire and longing to look like somebody else?
- fill my heart with thankfulness and wonder?
His works are wonderful!
I am His workmanship!
-b
Our view is off kilter because we hone in on what we judge as 'faults' and negatives and allow them to overshadow and block out everything else that is reflecting back at us.
Have you ever wondered why we are so hard to please, when looking in the mirror? Why are we never fully satisfied with our reflection?
Why is the ....
nose either too big or too small, too wide or too sharp....
ears are either too small or too large, or stick out too far and in hiding behind the hair
waist either too wide or non-existing
chin either too dominant or without character ...
etc.!!!!!
When did that start in your life?
Who told you that you aren't beautiful?
God is my Maker - the one who created me - formed me while I was still unseen by the world - made me in his image - wonderfully made!
What is it in me that causes me to quarrel, complain and criticize what God made? I am the clay saying to the potter: "What are you making?" (Isaiah 45:9)
I believe we were created for beauty -
not to be used to get attention,
not to be used to seduce
not to be used to get our way
not to be used to make money
not to be used to gain position
our beauty is meant to reflect God's beauty -
a sunset 'wows' us, makes our heart sigh in wonder and longing to meet the Creator of this splendor!
- in the same way, when he made us - each one individually and different - it was with the intent that we would reflect who God is...... beautiful, amazing, incredibly intricate, powerful.......
But a sad result of our rebellion is that we, the creation, have become our own center of attention and worship.
And a sad result of that is:
beauty has been given a certain shape and look and no matter how far we are from obtaining that -
we still strive,
we still wish,
we are left critical and unsatisfied with our Maker!!
What if?
- what if I could embrace the basic truth that declares God as my Maker, and that I am fearfully and wonderfully made in his image.
what if I let Truth speak loud enough to drown out other voices that speak against it!
- and start listening to the rest of the words......
He knows the number of hairs on my head, he sees me when I'm laying down and also when I try to hide, he is the one who knit me together in my mother's womb, saw me when I was yet an unformed substance, knew my days before they had even begun, before I had seen the light of day -
Would it not?
- destroy the critical lens that covers my eyes every time I look in the mirror?
- shed me of the desire and longing to look like somebody else?
- fill my heart with thankfulness and wonder?
His works are wonderful!
I am His workmanship!
-b
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
Thursday, April 11, 2013
Over the hill and around the corner.
If only, if only...
I have thought to myself a few times - if only I had known what came next I would have...
made different choices -
made fewer mistakes -
walked a straight line instead of circles -
wasted less time dillydallying around
been more focused on getting 'there' - because I would have known where 'there' was....
As incredible and fantastically created as we are - this one feature is not included - why not?
Surely not for a lack of desire on our part - when was the last time your heart made a sigh as you wished you knew what came next?
It seems that knowing what lays around the corner would make 'right now' easier.
It seems....
maybe I could breathe easier
relax in the knowledge that this is just a phase - a bad one - coming to an end
maybe I wouldn't worry
If I knew what came next, I could prepare for it...
With these thoughts, memories came and gave me a hint as to why not.
When I arrived here in Portland, it was with a 6 months tourist visa - that is now 22 years ago!!!
Had I known........
- that 6 months would stretch into 22 years, and counting
- how much loneliness I would encounter
- that after our daughter would be born, the richest season in my life, my mom would be too far away to be part of it
- about the heartache and longing that particular void would bring
had I known that -
I doubt I would have come
Remember the story about Joseph? He was the youngest son of Jacob. Joseph had 10 older brothers, one sister and a younger brother - but he was the favorite, loved more than the rest by his father.
Was he aware of that? I have no doubt about that!
At the age of 17 God gives him two dreams, one grander than the other. What is Joseph's response to these dreams? He runs to his brothers and tells them how he is to rule over them and that they are to bow down before him!!!
The brothers didn't care much for him to begin with, spoiled and favored as he was.
Was Joseph ready for that dream to be fulfilled at this time? I think not. What came next for him is rather sad - I would not wish that on anybody - but because Joseph trusts in God and does not let go of that, he comes out merciful and compassionate in the end as the dream is fulfilled.
I am convinced that each part of my journey is preparing me for what comes next. What I see and experience, what I struggle with right now, is preparing me for what lays around the corner - unseen.
Each day, each choice, (right or wrong) each hardship, (big or small, short or long term) is preparing me for the future - unseen around the corner.
It is teaching me:
wisdom (hopefully...),
compassion,
hope and faith
who God truly is,
who I am in Him
and how he sees me.
how to find my joy in Him, not my circumstances,
- it is refining me and building up my endurance.
And then I found another hint -
John 16:12 "I still have many things to tell you, but you cannot bear them now"!
Are some things too hard for us to know - would the knowledge overwhelm us, crush and render us unable to continue the journey?
Is it out of love....
As a mother, I have kept things from our daughter - why?
- because she wasn't ready to know about it!
- because I love her!
I don't know what is in store for me -
I don't know what He is preparing me for -
what is yet to come -
Here is what I trust:
He will not give me more than I can handle...ever!
Why?
Because I know he loves me!
-b
(ps. all pictures, except for the last one, are taken by www.misskaylaphotography.com)
I have thought to myself a few times - if only I had known what came next I would have...
made different choices -
made fewer mistakes -
walked a straight line instead of circles -
wasted less time dillydallying around
been more focused on getting 'there' - because I would have known where 'there' was....
As incredible and fantastically created as we are - this one feature is not included - why not?
Surely not for a lack of desire on our part - when was the last time your heart made a sigh as you wished you knew what came next?
It seems that knowing what lays around the corner would make 'right now' easier.
It seems....
maybe I could breathe easier
relax in the knowledge that this is just a phase - a bad one - coming to an end
maybe I wouldn't worry
If I knew what came next, I could prepare for it...
With these thoughts, memories came and gave me a hint as to why not.
When I arrived here in Portland, it was with a 6 months tourist visa - that is now 22 years ago!!!
Had I known........
- that 6 months would stretch into 22 years, and counting
- how much loneliness I would encounter
- that after our daughter would be born, the richest season in my life, my mom would be too far away to be part of it
- about the heartache and longing that particular void would bring
had I known that -
I doubt I would have come
Remember the story about Joseph? He was the youngest son of Jacob. Joseph had 10 older brothers, one sister and a younger brother - but he was the favorite, loved more than the rest by his father.
Was he aware of that? I have no doubt about that!
At the age of 17 God gives him two dreams, one grander than the other. What is Joseph's response to these dreams? He runs to his brothers and tells them how he is to rule over them and that they are to bow down before him!!!
The brothers didn't care much for him to begin with, spoiled and favored as he was.
Was Joseph ready for that dream to be fulfilled at this time? I think not. What came next for him is rather sad - I would not wish that on anybody - but because Joseph trusts in God and does not let go of that, he comes out merciful and compassionate in the end as the dream is fulfilled.
I am convinced that each part of my journey is preparing me for what comes next. What I see and experience, what I struggle with right now, is preparing me for what lays around the corner - unseen.
Each day, each choice, (right or wrong) each hardship, (big or small, short or long term) is preparing me for the future - unseen around the corner.
It is teaching me:
wisdom (hopefully...),
compassion,
hope and faith
who God truly is,
who I am in Him
and how he sees me.
how to find my joy in Him, not my circumstances,
- it is refining me and building up my endurance.
And then I found another hint -
John 16:12 "I still have many things to tell you, but you cannot bear them now"!
Are some things too hard for us to know - would the knowledge overwhelm us, crush and render us unable to continue the journey?
Is it out of love....
As a mother, I have kept things from our daughter - why?
- because she wasn't ready to know about it!
- because I love her!
I don't know what is in store for me -
I don't know what He is preparing me for -
what is yet to come -
Here is what I trust:
He will not give me more than I can handle...ever!
Why?
Because I know he loves me!
-b
(ps. all pictures, except for the last one, are taken by www.misskaylaphotography.com)
Monday, March 11, 2013
In the dead of winter.
Dead, barren, bleak, boring
these were some of the words going through my mind as my eyes scanned from side to side and as far ahead as they could stay in focus........ nothing.
I was on a morning run in the woods.
Trees; naked, barren and colorless everywhere -
The ground; covered with leaves - dead leaves - brown, lifeless, boring.
Winter.
- don't know about you, but I have walked through a 'winter' or two in my life, where no matter where I looked - inside myself or on my circumstances - I ended up with dead, bleak and barren.....
- don't care much for that part of winter - but in nature it shows up about once a year -
in my life, every once in a while.
What to do during that time? What to do after words spoken have lost the encouragement they carried, and the ring of truth has become distant - after the well has dried up, and going to get water seems a waste of time - like putting a drop of water in the desert.
Hope has been locked away behind the gray heaviness that winter tends to bring.
To walk away comes to mind after a while....
you see, I could blame God! Why not? - He could change the 'season' after all........if he wanted to.
So why isn't He? Why do I have to go through/live with this? What have I done? Or not done? Doesn't he love me - well, he must not, -very much-, or he would help me, ease my suffering, my hardship, my brokenness or give me what my heart so very much desires....
Why should I stick around for this? What good is it doing me? I'm hurting and unhappy.
Jesus had a warning to the ones that decided to follow him - in Luke 14:28
Actually, let's back up a verse
because this statement comes first, verse 27:
"whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me, cannot be my disciple".
- then he goes on to caution the listeners to make sure they know what the cost is before they start out. He compares it to someone building a tower, who before even starting to build makes sure he has what he needs to complete it.
Can't say I wasn't warned - only that I didn't heed the warning......
What is my faith in Jesus based on? Is it that he is God? The creator of heaven and earth? The one that holds everything together - the very reason the earth is still turning?
Or is he merely a convenience store?
Sorry, that might seem a bit harsh, but if I go to him when I need something and/or when it is convenient,- meaning when it fits into my life/plans....?
When I don't get what I came for...... or when I have to say no to other plans/things - then what?
Why do we have this notion that God (if he is good and loving) should do things for us and give us stuff?
I have decided that the fact that he, God my Father, would give up his son, would sacrifice him for my rescue shows more love than I can fathom.
Why would I ever ask for more....
The fact that Jesus, my savior, would go through the pain and suffering he did for my sake, shows more love than I can fathom.
Why would I ever ask for more....
The more I think about, and understand, how much they each gave up for me - the price they each had to pay for my rescue - the bigger and more precious it becomes.
Why would I ever doubt their love for me - what else do they have to do for me to convince me of their love for me?
If that is not enough, then nothing will ever be - for long.
If I focus on my needs, my circumstances, my pain or brokenness - it will eventually consume me, steal my joy and fill my eyes till I see nothing else.....till it overshadows what Jesus gave up for me!
If what Jesus sacrificed for me isn't enough to satisfy me for the rest of my life - no matter what I ever have to go through or endure - then that is a chink in my faith.
- And like a pane of glass it might hold up for a while - unless it comes under pressure....
Halfway through my run in the woods a memory landed, that changed my view of all the dead leaves covering the ground. In the ground were flowers waiting for the next season to arrive. The leaves were like a blanket covering them, helping to protect them against the harsh weather that would rage above.
How swiftly we forget, when seasons change, how glorious it all was.
How soon we forget, when seasons change, and what I see looks devoid of life and color, that God is always at work underneath it all.
I have not forgotten that winter lasts longer in some places than others - there is an answer for that!
- something about the position of the sun and the tilt of the earth's axle -
I have also seen people live in, what to me seems, eternal winter - I don't have the answer to the why.
But
I do know that God is good and that he will remain so - that his faithfulness never ceases and that his mercies are new every morning, that his love for me is steadfast and doesn't change as seasons come and go.
So over time, when 'winter' comes, I have learned to hunker down, fix my eyes on Jesus and wait patiently for spring. But should it never arrive, I'd still love and follow him - because as it stands
He has done more than enough, for me to be thankful the rest of my life!
-b
these were some of the words going through my mind as my eyes scanned from side to side and as far ahead as they could stay in focus........ nothing.
I was on a morning run in the woods.
Trees; naked, barren and colorless everywhere -
The ground; covered with leaves - dead leaves - brown, lifeless, boring.
Winter.
- don't know about you, but I have walked through a 'winter' or two in my life, where no matter where I looked - inside myself or on my circumstances - I ended up with dead, bleak and barren.....
- don't care much for that part of winter - but in nature it shows up about once a year -
in my life, every once in a while.
What to do during that time? What to do after words spoken have lost the encouragement they carried, and the ring of truth has become distant - after the well has dried up, and going to get water seems a waste of time - like putting a drop of water in the desert.
Hope has been locked away behind the gray heaviness that winter tends to bring.
To walk away comes to mind after a while....
you see, I could blame God! Why not? - He could change the 'season' after all........if he wanted to.
So why isn't He? Why do I have to go through/live with this? What have I done? Or not done? Doesn't he love me - well, he must not, -very much-, or he would help me, ease my suffering, my hardship, my brokenness or give me what my heart so very much desires....
Why should I stick around for this? What good is it doing me? I'm hurting and unhappy.
Jesus had a warning to the ones that decided to follow him - in Luke 14:28
Actually, let's back up a verse
because this statement comes first, verse 27:
"whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me, cannot be my disciple".
- then he goes on to caution the listeners to make sure they know what the cost is before they start out. He compares it to someone building a tower, who before even starting to build makes sure he has what he needs to complete it.
Can't say I wasn't warned - only that I didn't heed the warning......
What is my faith in Jesus based on? Is it that he is God? The creator of heaven and earth? The one that holds everything together - the very reason the earth is still turning?
Or is he merely a convenience store?
Sorry, that might seem a bit harsh, but if I go to him when I need something and/or when it is convenient,- meaning when it fits into my life/plans....?
When I don't get what I came for...... or when I have to say no to other plans/things - then what?
Why do we have this notion that God (if he is good and loving) should do things for us and give us stuff?
I have decided that the fact that he, God my Father, would give up his son, would sacrifice him for my rescue shows more love than I can fathom.
Why would I ever ask for more....
The fact that Jesus, my savior, would go through the pain and suffering he did for my sake, shows more love than I can fathom.
Why would I ever ask for more....
The more I think about, and understand, how much they each gave up for me - the price they each had to pay for my rescue - the bigger and more precious it becomes.
Why would I ever doubt their love for me - what else do they have to do for me to convince me of their love for me?
If that is not enough, then nothing will ever be - for long.
If I focus on my needs, my circumstances, my pain or brokenness - it will eventually consume me, steal my joy and fill my eyes till I see nothing else.....till it overshadows what Jesus gave up for me!
If what Jesus sacrificed for me isn't enough to satisfy me for the rest of my life - no matter what I ever have to go through or endure - then that is a chink in my faith.
- And like a pane of glass it might hold up for a while - unless it comes under pressure....
Halfway through my run in the woods a memory landed, that changed my view of all the dead leaves covering the ground. In the ground were flowers waiting for the next season to arrive. The leaves were like a blanket covering them, helping to protect them against the harsh weather that would rage above.
How swiftly we forget, when seasons change, how glorious it all was.
How soon we forget, when seasons change, and what I see looks devoid of life and color, that God is always at work underneath it all.
I have not forgotten that winter lasts longer in some places than others - there is an answer for that!
- something about the position of the sun and the tilt of the earth's axle -
I have also seen people live in, what to me seems, eternal winter - I don't have the answer to the why.
But
I do know that God is good and that he will remain so - that his faithfulness never ceases and that his mercies are new every morning, that his love for me is steadfast and doesn't change as seasons come and go.
So over time, when 'winter' comes, I have learned to hunker down, fix my eyes on Jesus and wait patiently for spring. But should it never arrive, I'd still love and follow him - because as it stands
He has done more than enough, for me to be thankful the rest of my life!
-b
Friday, February 8, 2013
Good grief.......... Charlie Brown
Good Grief.......
Why would anybody even use these two words together? Even in a comic strip...
For the last three years, close to Christmas time, three different women in my life became widows.
First my mom, then 2 long time friends the following two years. Suddenly widows.
Grief.......
We have all encountered it to some degree or other; seen it, dealt with it, walked in/through it, been overwhelmed/knocked down by it ...
Is any of it good?
I never thought so!
- Until recently
As I walked into the homes of these women, grief was there.
As evident and thick as fog - making them as fragile as thin ice.
- silence fills the space between sentences, often fragmented, unfinished...
- their eyes, usually filled with life and laughter - now filled with sorrow and tears...
- eyes roam over familiar things -unseeing- looking for a place to rest, then 'disappear' into the past...
- the 'lost' look that often appears on their faces, tells me of their state...
- imagine the brutality in the seconds when waking from sleep...
- when I came through the door - they hoped for someone else....
- in moments throughout the day find themselves listening for familiar sounds...
How can this be good?
Grief is natural. It is a human reaction to tragedy. We were created to grieve. When we grieve, we process, and allow the door in our hearts to remain open to healing and life.
That is good!
I've seen people who don't grieve - they suppress - their hearts become numb, and there is no healing.
I've seen people getting stuck in grief - neither allowing themselves to process nor healing to take place.
You can allow grief to take you to the grave - while you are still alive!
Grief - as old as the world......
From the beginning of time - after the Fall - grief has been part of creation, part of life on this earth.
In the Old Testament ashes were used as a outward sign for either repentance or mourning/grief.
.When tragedy hit or imminent threat of elimination was at their doorstep - the Jews put on sackcloth and ashes as a sign of great grief/mourning.
But they never remained like this. A time would come and they would wash their heads and dress in their normal clothes again. Changed yes - but alive and choosing to live.
These three women have, each in their own way, shown me that for grief to be good, I must allow it in, stay it's course, choose to process and then slowly let go of grief and let healing and life in.
-b
Why would anybody even use these two words together? Even in a comic strip...
For the last three years, close to Christmas time, three different women in my life became widows.
First my mom, then 2 long time friends the following two years. Suddenly widows.
Grief.......
We have all encountered it to some degree or other; seen it, dealt with it, walked in/through it, been overwhelmed/knocked down by it ...
Is any of it good?
I never thought so!
- Until recently
As I walked into the homes of these women, grief was there.
As evident and thick as fog - making them as fragile as thin ice.
- silence fills the space between sentences, often fragmented, unfinished...
- their eyes, usually filled with life and laughter - now filled with sorrow and tears...
- eyes roam over familiar things -unseeing- looking for a place to rest, then 'disappear' into the past...
- the 'lost' look that often appears on their faces, tells me of their state...
- imagine the brutality in the seconds when waking from sleep...
- when I came through the door - they hoped for someone else....
- in moments throughout the day find themselves listening for familiar sounds...
How can this be good?
Grief is natural. It is a human reaction to tragedy. We were created to grieve. When we grieve, we process, and allow the door in our hearts to remain open to healing and life.
That is good!
I've seen people who don't grieve - they suppress - their hearts become numb, and there is no healing.
I've seen people getting stuck in grief - neither allowing themselves to process nor healing to take place.
You can allow grief to take you to the grave - while you are still alive!
Grief - as old as the world......
From the beginning of time - after the Fall - grief has been part of creation, part of life on this earth.
In the Old Testament ashes were used as a outward sign for either repentance or mourning/grief.
.When tragedy hit or imminent threat of elimination was at their doorstep - the Jews put on sackcloth and ashes as a sign of great grief/mourning.
But they never remained like this. A time would come and they would wash their heads and dress in their normal clothes again. Changed yes - but alive and choosing to live.
These three women have, each in their own way, shown me that for grief to be good, I must allow it in, stay it's course, choose to process and then slowly let go of grief and let healing and life in.
-b
Friday, January 25, 2013
She is still teaching me
We sit next to each other at the breakfast table, coffee forgotten, as tears roll down our cheeks caused by the seriousness of our conversation.
I am watching, listening and learning.
Next to me is a woman I love and admire, always have, always will!
- and I am blessed to be her daughter.
I know of some of the hardships she's endured - some I've witnessed, some I've been part of and a few I've caused.
She has taught me many things throughout the years - like tricks in baking, or helping me learn not to burn myself when ironing (she did come home too late to save the nylon shorts from being melted...), stopped me in the nick of time so we had whipped cream on our strawberry cake and not butter, or how to knit as I sat next to her, although she almost gave up as my elbows pointed straight out on each side and my tongue was almost in a knot in pure concentrated effort to control needles and yarn.
But I have learned so much from her through just observing and having impressions.
She was so strong, so vital and so full of joy - except for a few moments in her life, that I got a glimpse of at a young age - she held my world together, made it stable even when hers was not.
I was influenced by that, and raised by her, I absorbed with an open heart what she was and desired to model her.
Back at the breakfast table -
Her encounter with a stroke 6 months prior was the subject of our talk - the tears caused by her statement, that she really ought not be sad about the things she is currently unable to do. I countered by saying it is alright, for her to be sad, but encouraged her not to get stuck there. We talked about how bad it could have gone - she saw many in the hospital who did not walk out a few days later as she did.
As she starts talking about the future, I get to listen and learn again.
She is picking up the gauntlet, taking on the fight, not ready to give up or sit back and proclaim " I'm done", not ready to use this as an excuse to claim herself a victim or make it her companion and way of getting attention.
Not this lady. Not my mom.
This isn't some new character trait being developed in her later years - I've seen it before.
Last time was a few years back, when her husband, my stepfather, died.
She lost her footing to shock and grief for a while - stumbled emotionally without a spring in her step laughter in her heart.
But she found her balance again, unsteady and with support at first, but she wanted to keep living and so began that uphill battle of learning how to handle not only practical things - but life itself "alone".
I saw her raising up and becoming involved again - volunteering at a retirement home, rejoining her choir, - helping to others in need, bringing laughter and hugs as she went along.
Off and on her eyes would lose their focus and become distant as she follows a thought that draws her away from the present, only to leave her at a closed door. I've seen the effort it takes in choosing to return and face the present again.
But I have never seen her give up.
She will raise up, regain her balance - laughter will sound again and a song will form in her heart.
I have learned much - wasn't always the best to listen, (she might be the first to tell you that), seems I liked to find my own ways of leaning and doing - but I always watched her. Looking back, even the impressions I had, some of which I with mature eyes now see through, leave me lots to learn from.
There is a part of my heart that wants to protect her. I know exactly the Christmas eve this desire was born.
I was quite young - too young to understand why, but old enough to know mom's tears weren't tears of joy, but tears of sadness.
This desire was reinforced as a teenager, when I heard her being spoken down to, degraded, treated disrespectfully - because my mom deserved to be loved..... everyday. But then in my own radical rebellion I ended up not sparing her from sorrow and heartache.
Why does this desire to protect and guard her still live in my heart today? Hasn't she taught me over all these years? Haven't I seen that she is strong enough to stand up where she needs to - and that she knows what battle to pick?
Not many years after the above mentioned Christmas Eve., she showed me that you can break free from the fear of one person - that if your song gets stolen from your heart. by either people or circumstances...... it is your choice to fight to get it back!
Through all her ups and downs, trials and peace, joys and sorrows, fear and tranquility, she taught me through example....
- keep living, versus giving up/shutting down. Accept help when needed, but regain strength through it, versus dependency/helplessness. Chose joy, not mourning. Don't be afraid to love even after hurt and disappointments. Give of yourself to others. Be creative with what you have, it doesn't take much to have fun. Do laugh at yourself. Enjoy what is around you, beauty abounds. Be thankful.
God is her faith - she loves to live and has chosen joy as her companion.
-b
I am watching, listening and learning.
Next to me is a woman I love and admire, always have, always will!
- and I am blessed to be her daughter.
I know of some of the hardships she's endured - some I've witnessed, some I've been part of and a few I've caused.
She has taught me many things throughout the years - like tricks in baking, or helping me learn not to burn myself when ironing (she did come home too late to save the nylon shorts from being melted...), stopped me in the nick of time so we had whipped cream on our strawberry cake and not butter, or how to knit as I sat next to her, although she almost gave up as my elbows pointed straight out on each side and my tongue was almost in a knot in pure concentrated effort to control needles and yarn.
But I have learned so much from her through just observing and having impressions.
She was so strong, so vital and so full of joy - except for a few moments in her life, that I got a glimpse of at a young age - she held my world together, made it stable even when hers was not.
I was influenced by that, and raised by her, I absorbed with an open heart what she was and desired to model her.
Back at the breakfast table -
Her encounter with a stroke 6 months prior was the subject of our talk - the tears caused by her statement, that she really ought not be sad about the things she is currently unable to do. I countered by saying it is alright, for her to be sad, but encouraged her not to get stuck there. We talked about how bad it could have gone - she saw many in the hospital who did not walk out a few days later as she did.
As she starts talking about the future, I get to listen and learn again.
She is picking up the gauntlet, taking on the fight, not ready to give up or sit back and proclaim " I'm done", not ready to use this as an excuse to claim herself a victim or make it her companion and way of getting attention.
Not this lady. Not my mom.
This isn't some new character trait being developed in her later years - I've seen it before.
Last time was a few years back, when her husband, my stepfather, died.
She lost her footing to shock and grief for a while - stumbled emotionally without a spring in her step laughter in her heart.
But she found her balance again, unsteady and with support at first, but she wanted to keep living and so began that uphill battle of learning how to handle not only practical things - but life itself "alone".
I saw her raising up and becoming involved again - volunteering at a retirement home, rejoining her choir, - helping to others in need, bringing laughter and hugs as she went along.
Off and on her eyes would lose their focus and become distant as she follows a thought that draws her away from the present, only to leave her at a closed door. I've seen the effort it takes in choosing to return and face the present again.
But I have never seen her give up.
She will raise up, regain her balance - laughter will sound again and a song will form in her heart.
I have learned much - wasn't always the best to listen, (she might be the first to tell you that), seems I liked to find my own ways of leaning and doing - but I always watched her. Looking back, even the impressions I had, some of which I with mature eyes now see through, leave me lots to learn from.
There is a part of my heart that wants to protect her. I know exactly the Christmas eve this desire was born.
I was quite young - too young to understand why, but old enough to know mom's tears weren't tears of joy, but tears of sadness.
This desire was reinforced as a teenager, when I heard her being spoken down to, degraded, treated disrespectfully - because my mom deserved to be loved..... everyday. But then in my own radical rebellion I ended up not sparing her from sorrow and heartache.
Why does this desire to protect and guard her still live in my heart today? Hasn't she taught me over all these years? Haven't I seen that she is strong enough to stand up where she needs to - and that she knows what battle to pick?
Not many years after the above mentioned Christmas Eve., she showed me that you can break free from the fear of one person - that if your song gets stolen from your heart. by either people or circumstances...... it is your choice to fight to get it back!
Through all her ups and downs, trials and peace, joys and sorrows, fear and tranquility, she taught me through example....
- keep living, versus giving up/shutting down. Accept help when needed, but regain strength through it, versus dependency/helplessness. Chose joy, not mourning. Don't be afraid to love even after hurt and disappointments. Give of yourself to others. Be creative with what you have, it doesn't take much to have fun. Do laugh at yourself. Enjoy what is around you, beauty abounds. Be thankful.
God is her faith - she loves to live and has chosen joy as her companion.
-b
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